If you didn’t watch the Baftas last night, it means you missed one of the all-time great berserk musical performances ever seen: Angela Bassett Did the Thing.
That wasn’t its official name, by the way. Nobody knows what the official name was. Technically it was a musical performance by Ariana DeBose, but it was a performance so gormless, so busy, so deeply and unsettlingly confusing, that to give it a name would only serve to minimise it. Angela Bassett Did the Thing came as the middle part of DeBose’s medley celebrating women. The first part was a full-bore rendition of Sisters are Doin’ It For Themselves; in itself an orgy of spinning and twirling and flung chairs, performed by DuBose in the manner of someone desperately trying to spook a horse. The last part was a snatch of We Are Family, presumably because someone decided that the Baftas weren’t enough like a provincial wedding reception.
But we are not here to talk about that. We are here to talk about Angela Bassett Did the Thing; in which Academy Award-winning actress Ariana DeBose, already quite out of puff from the aforementioned horse-scaring, rapped about most of the female nominees in turn, while performing a terrifyingly high energy dance. It was excruciating, like a work dinner where the boss gets drunk and goes around the table addressing every single employee by name.
To make matters worse, the Bafta director insisted on cutting away to every woman whom DeBose namechecked as she namechecked them, which would have been a lovely touch had any of them looked even slightly pleased about it. Instead, they all just looked scared and confused. In years to come, oral histories will be written about Angela Bassett Did the Thing. Movies will be made about it. Until then, however, a line by line breakdown – with screengrabbed reaction shots – will have to suffice.
‘The category is outstanding debut’
DeBose begins the segment by saluting, and shouting the name of an awards category. At this point it is important to remember that nobody knew what was coming. Was DeBose about to present an award? Was she about to show some clips? No. No she was not.
‘Charlotte Wells we love Aftersun’
Instead, DeBose offers a show of appreciation to Charlotte Wells, the writer and director of the critically beloved Aftersun. Wells, a newcomer not used to having her name screamed out by a singer, reacts as many of us would. It is a look of placid befuddlement.
‘Georgia, Helene, Blue Jean’s the one’
But this was no one-off, because now it is clear that DeBose has only just got started. Next on her list is Georgia Oakley and Hélène Sifre, who between them made Blue Jean, a searing drama about Section 28. Or, as DeBose calls it, “the one”.
‘Elena, Maia, the team works grand’
This might be my favourite reaction shot of the lot. DeBose then celebrates Maia Kenworthy and Elena Sánchez Bellot, directors of the climate change documentary Rebellion. Maia Kenworthy, in response, has to jam her tongue into the side of her cheek to stop herself from laughing. Elena Sánchez Bellot, meanwhile, has collapsed into fits of disbelieving giggles. There is already palpable awkwardness in the crowd, and DeBose is only getting started.
‘Good luck to you, Katy Brand’
I’ve seen this look before. This is the look of someone who has slowed their car down to take a better look at a burning house. Katy Brand is appalled, but fascinated. She is enchanted by the chaos.
‘Electric Malady? Marie, girl, what a slay’
Lots to unpack here. First, by this point DeBose is audibly out of breath, because she’s singing and dancing and trying to fit several lines of awkward syntax into a legitimately dreadful song. But, my God, the woman is going for it. Lesser mortals would have given up by now, but Ariana DeBose is pushing through like a true hero. Second, Electric Malady is a moving and poignant documentary about a horrifying medical condition. But also, what a slay.
‘Sandy Powell with that fellowship, costume, wig and *indecipherable*’
Sadly I don’t know the last word of DeBose’s line here, partly because she is huffing and puffing like a Crossfit bro, and partly because she has decided to rap this line in a spectacularly witless British accent. In a room full of British people. In Britain. The balls on the woman. Anyway, Sandy Powell is nonplussed.
‘Other ladies in the room, supporting or leading, all here I presume’
What a line. What a beautiful, incredible line. You can excuse most of the awkward wording of DeBose’s rap, because she’s trying to find rhymes for surnames and film titles, which must be hard. Here, though, all she had to do – literally the only thing she had to do – was find something to rhyme with the word “room”. She could have picked “boom”. Or “doom”. Or “flume”. And yet, despite this, she went with “supporting or leading, all here I presume”. Full marks. Standing ovation. Best yet.
‘Hong Chao, Dolly de, Kerry and Carey with a C’
She’s picking up speed. She’s got her groove back. In the space of one line, DeBose has seen to four separate nominees. It should be a moment of triumph for her. But what’s that on Kerry Condon’s face? That’s right, it’s palpable concern.
‘Dame Emma, I’m so fond’
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We’re back in safe territory. Emma Thompson is a great audience. DeBose was never going get anything but a supportive smile. Everything’s back on track!
‘Ana, girl, you were great in Blonde’
No, wait, we’re derailed again. This is because, if this screengrab is any reaction, Ana de Armes has transformed into a bored Roman emperor, just waiting for an opportunity to set the lions on Ariana DeBose. What you are looking at is the physical manifestation of the thought ‘I flew all the way here for this?’
‘Danielle D, you broke my heart’
But it’s OK. That was just a temporary setback. Danielle Deadwyler reacts with surprised delight to her shoutout, perhaps because it’s the only time in the entire rap that DeBose has successfully married the correct sentiment to a movie.
‘Michelle, I loved you from the start’
A slightly iffy line, since Michelle Yeoh has been acting since 1984, which was seven years before Ariana DeBose was born, which means there is no physical way that DeBose could have possibly loved her since the start of her career. But it doesn’t matter. Look, Yeoh is reacting with happiness and grace. Nothing can possibly upset the rap now.
‘Angela Basset did the thing’
And here we are. Angela Bassett did the thing. Angela Bassett. Did. The thing. There is DeBose’s pronunciation: “ANJUH LUH BASSIT!” There is the accompanying dance, where Ariana DeBose starts shaking and vibrating like a woman trying to rid herself of evil spirits. And then there is the line itself. ‘Angela Bassett did the thing.’ The thing. DeBose had Angela Bassett as a subject; a mainstay of cinema, a woman nominated for playing a queen, a woman who has played Tina Turner, Lady Percy and Michelle Obama. Few people in attendance have enjoyed a career better than Angela Bassett. But, no, let’s just say she did the thing. Angela Bassett did the thing. Perfect.
‘Viola Davis, my Woman King’
Honestly, here everyone was still too busy processing “Angela Bassett did the thing” to fully appreciate the next line. But it’s also a good one, not least because Ariana DeBose has made a little crown out of her hand to explain what she’s talking about. Still, Viola Davis looks like she’s having fun at least.
‘Blanchett Cate you’re a genius’
There’s a bit in one episode of Veep where Selina Meyer tries to smile as graciously as she can while muttering “What the f*ck?” to herself. Dig it out if you can, because it’s identical to Cate Blanchett’s face here.
‘And Jamie Lee, you are all of us’
The rap ends by mentioning Jamie Lee Curtis. If you watch the video of the rap – and I pray you do – you’ll see that she is dancing approvingly. But it isn’t until you freezeframe her that you can see the darkness in her eyes. She knows. She understands that DeBose only said “You are all of us” because “all of us” nearly rhymes with “genius”. That’s all she is to her, a rhyme prop. And she really isn’t happy about it.
Ariana DeBose’s rap took around 45 seconds to perform. But history might remember those 45 seconds as perhaps the most seminal in Bafta history. With any luck, DeBose will be back next year to repeat the whole gruelling ordeal. Because if the world needs anything right now, it is to be constantly reminded that, yes, Angela Bassett did indeed do the thing.
